Happily Ever After

the lull periods are what i live for. 

Sure, work gives me a sense of fulfillment sometimes, makes me feel like i can be independent financially and that i can contribute to easing my husband’s winning-the-bread burden but nothing beats the lull periods.

sitting in my daybed by the full length windows while the early morning sun is peeking out at me

reading one book by the night lamp but having a greedy stack of other books right next to me

tottering around the kitchen cooking, cleaning and just… tottering

jogging in the morning and glancing up to spy a statue-still kingfisher on a weaving tree branch

it’s all good.

I cannot believe that it has been more than 6 months since I last blogged. In these 6 months, so many things have happened; I’ve gotten married and gone on honeymoon in Taiwan, bought a flat and started renovation plans, started working and earning money, bought my Dream Samsung TV, WMF cutlery and pots and Samsung sound system… so it sounds as though my life is really moving along and that time must be swinging past me because everything is happening so fast.

But it’s not.

I’m caught in a vacuum, stagnating in its staleness and cyclical desperation of earning to spend, spending to earn. Sometimes when I feel more optimistic, I tell myself that I had dreams - to get married, to buy a house, to get a dog, to decorate and build my dream love nest… and that’s why I’m in a job I hate, earning money that I have no respect for and living a life that I once swore never to have. But the periods of optimism and self-persuasion or getting fewer and far-between.

It’s Sunday again. Not a holy day, not a happy day, not a family day, not an anything day. It’s just a day before Monday. 

Four Jobs I have had in my life:
1) operations intern (basically data entry ugh)
2) waitressing at Chutney Mary
3) Studen Services intern
4) English Tutor

Four Places I have lived:
1) Bukit Panjang
2) Lorong Chuan
3) Seletar Hills
4) Braddell

Four Countries I have been on Vacation:
1) Taiwan… the country of particular engagement!
2) Thailand (Bangkok and Chiangmai.. oh glorious glorious food)
3) China (Shanghai/Hong Kong)
4) Australia (Perth, Melbourne, Sydney)

Four Favourite Foods:
1) Good sushi… especially anything with Inari skin and tamago! yumyumyum.
2) Ice Kachang… Tiong Bahru Market and Adam Hawker Centre
3) Choc Banana and Durian Gelato from Azabu Sabo (or sumthing)
4) Indomeeeee…. msg junkie is me.
Can’t i add more than four fav foods? sob…

Four Places I’d rather be right now:
1) On my honeymoon in Thailand with babyyyy
2) Reading tons of romance novels in my bed with rainy storms outside
3) In the kitchen cooking baby’s favourite food
4) In Suki Sushi eating sushi buffet *drool*

that’s it! not taggin anyone bleh.

- start copying -
* I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
- end of copying -

8 random facts about me:

1. i like being hot rather than cold

2. i only find asian guys attractive

3. i love reading manga and trashy romance novels

4. i hate reading high-brow literature books

5. i love cooking

6. i love being adventurous and trying new things

7. i don’t like talking

8. i love long car/train/bus rides

rui is next!

I made dorayaki today. The result? A couple of burns on my wrist from the frying pan but eight yummy dorayakis! yumyum. I’d better not make this for awhile because while it is yummy and easy to make, it is also extremely high in calories… all sugar! But the batter turned out really good. Especially with the tablespoon of honey that some recipes specified, the pancake part was sweet with a slight tinge of honey taste. I do want to find out how to glaze the dorayaki though… so that after it’s completed, the outer surface has a slightly sticker texture. hmmm. Next time, perhaps. Tonight’s dinner menu was chicken backed rice which turned out well too! Other than a mistake I made with the cream sauce (I put too much milk and water so it was very thin and dilute… the remedy was to stand there waiting for the water to boil off so cooking and standing time extended by twenty minutes) it turned out quite yummy and sticky. A little bit too much herbs… I’ll cut down on that the next time.

Having the time to potter around the kitchen (I spent two hours making dorayaki and an hour and a half for the baked rice) is really a luxury that I previously did not have. I am so grateful for that but my mood has been rather down though. Everybody keeps on telling me I’m so lucky that my exam and assignments are over and that I’m free like a bird but at the back of my head all little niggling worries that keep me from feeling like a bird. Worries like my driving logbook, my arts practicum internship and the hours I have to rush to complete, changing my air ticket, aiesec internship (or not)… actually, these worries are just empty ones. There is no basis or need for worry and I’m just being my usual worrywart. I think I just need time to unwind and relax because my brain and emotions are still in stress and depression mode. I think I can’t really switch modes that fast. But I do want to be happier, for I realise I am just being an ungrateful brat and truly there is so much more in life to rejoice about than to brood about. Unfortunately, it is the latter that most people, including and especially me, are so preoccupied with.

I must change.

i am a stuffed piece of lard. all slimy and wobbly. ugh. this is what comes from depression over an exam you haven’t studied for. stuffing your face with food and knowing you’ll regret it later. i feel like crap now. belly is exploding and self-esteem is rock-bottom low. sigh. my stomach looks double the size of my face. bleh.

When will it end. Feels like a forever road that I’m travelling. Can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel this weight upon my heart spelling out DEADLINES. But I am incredibly thankful, for this I haven’t gotten sick with headaches this semester and it’s *almost* over. So many blessings of favour have kept me through, I almost can’t believe all the things I’ve gone through this semester. Now, I’ve just got one more paper to go and absolutely no motivation. I’m bordering precariously on my HD for Japanese, but can’t seem to summon up the willpower to care or stress about it because I’ve only got tonight and tomorrow to study for it. How does one ace an exam when there’s only one and a half days to study? I would say that person doesn’t deserve to do well at all! But my best, however weak that might be, is all I can do, and to prostrate myself upon heaven’s door to ask for grace.

I’m not panicking but I am feelign incredibly tired. I’m looking forward to the end of this week when the exam will be over but I’m not looking forward to next week of five eight-hour days in the office working. But I’m counting my blessings one by one, telling myself to think of the good things. And truly there are many good things to look forward to. I’m going to start cooking in earnest! dorayaki (japanese red bean pancake), ban mian, beef rendang, and all sorts of other goodies I’m going to have the time to prepare with lots of love for baby. It’s a pleasure and a blessing to be able to cook for someone you love.

Hopefully my dorayaki turns out to be as pretty and delicious-looking as this picture! I’ll be sure to upload a photo of my homemade dorayaki when it’s done, but only if it’s successful! Who wants to see black burnt pancake anyway?!

Recently I’ve started checking out food blogs, no doubt because I’m procrastinating my essay writing again. I’ve been so very inspired though! Two things on my mind - macaroons and cupcakes.
Macaroons are famously hard to make and there’s actually a macaroon-baking class in Singapore that’s being offered in July but I’m too stingy to spend on baking classes when I need all the money I can save for wedding expenses! Despite all the hype about the difficulty, I still want to give it a go. It’ll probably bomb but at least I will be able to say “I tried”. I want to use macaroons for my wedding favours and they’re so terribly expensive! So I’m sort of toying with the idea of giving macaroon baking a go. See if I can perfect it after, say, 100 tries? Ah well, by then, it’d have been cheaper to buy the macaroons instead of failing 100 times! One thing that I’m pretty determined to perfect are those beautiful cupcakes you see…

one of them’s a vanilla cupcake with red bean filling (did anyone tell you I’m a famed red bean fanatic?!) and the other two with the green frostings are green tea cupcake and green tea, lavender and honey ice-cream cupcake. I reallly really want to try the latter - it’s a green tea flavoured cupcake base, with lavender ice cream as its second layer and honey ice cream for its third layer, before being topped off with a green tea frosting. *sigh* sounds heavenly! I could look at these pictures all day. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to do and even more difficult to make it look this perfect! But I’ll still try. Cupcakes here I come!!!

i have a light at the end of my tunnel! baby and i have designated this saturday to be celebration day for me as i finish my tough stuff… namely my essay assignments and exams. yay! so celebration day = sugar day and we’re having gelato ice cream with all the finishings of chocolate fudge, nuts, chocolate sprinklers… you get the gorgeous picture. we’re choosing three flavours of ice cream so right now we’ve settled on : nougat, ferrero and banana. yups. banana. don’t know why but i’ve grown to like the banana flavour more and more. yum. but what about my italian custard flavour? hmm… banana or italian custurd.. hmm…

recently i have also been really into cooking and baking for baby (since i’m on a hellish vegetarian with small doses of ice cream sort of diet) and one of the things i’m pretty happy about is my crepe-making attempt! yeah! so fun and easy to do and baby seems to like it. it’s yummy too especially since i made the creamy cheesy chicken filling inside too and it tasted almost like marche’s! i need to modify the recipe to make it crispier, thicker and sweeter for making sweet crepes (think crepe with ice cream and syrup) cus the current recipe is more suited to soft savoury crepes. next flavour i’m going to make is ham and cheese which should be fun too. but nothing beats chicken and mushroom though *drooool*

i’ve got grand plans for baking and cooking after my exams are over. recently i’ve had a couple of successes (not necessarily things i’ve cooked well but just foodie ideas that are fun to make and tasty to eat) - okonomiyaki which is so beautiful! egg with yakisoba like the kind you eat in takashimaya, deepfried cuttlefish and prawn (but i’m not going to do that anymore cus it’s too unhealthy and fattening), curry chicken (prima is a good brand!), tow huay (the instant kind!)… so next up i’m going to try unagi don which is so easy to make, scones, red bean pancakes like the japanese kind (hm. so difficult) and i really want to learn how to make peranakan desserts.. all that coconut milk! yum! and fattening! i’ve got such a great weakness for anything with coconut milk though. sigh. why did i have to start liking chendol??!!! baby’s mum is an expert in peranakan desserts… she makes her coconut milk FROM SCRATCH! like buy the coconut husk and squeeze! man. maybe in the next eight months when i’m really bored out of my mind i might entertain the thought of making coconut milk from scratch. MAYBE.

i’m off to search for some recipes for desserts that go with ice cream in preparation for saturday! oh well.. more procrastination cus i don’t want to do my essay. ugh.

today was a breakthrough day. everyone… and i mean EVERYONE in my house went running today. hm. that’s unusual because:
1. baby has been lazy bumm lately ^o^
2. housemate has been lazy bumm lately too ^o^
3. totochan has been lazy bumm lately three… *sweatdrop*
weather was blue sky forever so all three of us trooped down swan river to run. it was tiring but good. what’s not so good was all three of us trying to lose the weight we gained from winter. so while that means baby doesn’t get to eat so much fried food anymore, he still gets to eat hazelnut GELATO and panfried egg YAKISOBA and all sorts of yummy things. me? nope. well i did get to steal some yakisoba and ice cream but it’s not the same! boohoohooooooo. ah well. i’ve got big love handles that i need to get rid off so hello veggie soup goodbye ice cream.

on a totally separate issue, i really want to start a hobby. mum has her knitting, sister has her scrapbooking, my future mother-in-law has her craft, but me? i can’t sew/knit/cross-stitch/craft. i really want to take up a hobby though because it’s so much fun! mum suggested cooking. well i do love cooking but the only thing is that nobody likes to eat it. nobody wants to get fat either. and neither do i. but when you cook you’ll invariably eat your own cooking or you get your other half to eat it and i’m trying to help baby lose weight so no can do. sigh. maybe i’ll discover something along the way that really suits me. that would be nice.